Soooooo…
… this should be one of the happiest times of my life.
I’m about to graduate.
I have a role that I love in a play that I love.
… and yet.
I’ve spiraled down.
Not feeling myself.
Kinda depressed.
Isolating.
Why?
What happened?
Good Friday.
It took me a while to figure it out.
Yesterday was tech for our show.
I was surprisingly exhausted.
I’d slept well.
Finally it hit me: Good Friday!
Mum crashed out on Good Friday.
That was the day I got the phone call that changed the trajectory of my life.
Mum was in a coma.
Sometimes my body remembers before I do.
I went into Duane Reade last week and almost burst into tears in the card section.
All those Mother’s Day cards.
I’m still in a bit of funk.
Isolating.
But I’m on my way out of the forest.
I’ve learned not to fight this. To give it space to run its course without letting it pull me down into the muck.
Mum is always with me. I seem to be feeling her presence more right now. Crying as I write this…
I miss my mummy.
One of my favorite pics of Mum.