Happy New Year!

Reflection

Hey y’all,

The last time I posted was in May 2024.

Update: Last summer, I understudied Is God Is by Aleasha Harris at Constellation Theatre here in DC.

Chiiiiiile… that was a learning experince.

To anyone who knows me irl this won’t come as a surprise: I have a tendency to psych myself out and go a little (okay not a little nuts).

I understudied two roles.

One came fairly easily to me.

The other?

It was a beast.

Did I mention the five-page monologue?

That thing brought me to my knees.

I was questioning my talent.

Y’all know memorizing is my kryptonite.

I worked on that thing morning. Night.

Had a friend who loved running lines with me help me with it for a few hours a day… sometimes more.

First rehearsal. Stumbled.

Second rehearsal. Complete. Panic. Attack.

I’d had one before during a rehearsal when I did Stay when I was at Adler.

In that case, the director was completely unsupportive and shamed me.

No. Sympathy.

(I know that’s not her job, but a little grace would’ve been nice.)

In this case? The assistant director spoke gently to me and told me to breathe.

Just do what you can and call line when you need it.

I still struggled but I got through it.

A few days later the assistant director called me.

I think maybe it’s best you concentrate on one part.

In other words, they were going to look for an understudy for the understudy.

I took it as a firing.

An acting pal said it was their way of supporting me.

Either way, I was devastated.

Was at one of my part-time gigs.

When I got off work I said: FUCK IT!

I went and proceeded to get drunk.

(I know: Not the healthiest response.)

Didn’t help that I went to a bar where I’m a regular and after hearing of my travails… they bought a few rounds for me.

I got that call on a Thursday. When I got home, I threw the script across the room and didn’t look at it until Tuesday.

The next rehearsal was Wednesday.

The five-page monologue loomed.

I nailed it.

I few bobbles yes, but I got most of it.

When it came time to get notes (after rehearsals the director or assistant director gives guidance on what they’d like to see, changes, adjustments…)

When it came time for me to get my notes… The cast and crew burst into applause.

Of course I cried.

What I’ve noticed is when I get to the ‘fuck it’ point: I nail it.

Gotta figure out a way to get there without having to get to that place.

That’s what my “let go” feedback was about at Adler.

Was in fear that they’d never work with me again and then they invited me in to audition for another part.

My brain tells lies.

In September, I took a body and movement writing workshop with a beloved former Adler teacher.

I’d started working on my solo show, but was stuck.

One day, during the writing portion of the class, the opening of my solo show descended upon me.

That’s what it felt like.

We had five minutes to perform/read it on the final day of classes.

Mine involved interacting with Stella Adler through YouTube clips.

I found clips of her yelling at students (they abound) and had those clips respond to my words by yelling at me.

Yeah, it’s complicated.

Buuuuuut, it’s written.

The class loved it. I got great feedback.

OMG!! Forgot to add: I did a short film that makes me SAG-AFTRA eligible!!!

I’ll post the trailer when it’s available.

Four years ago today, I drove a van packed with my things to NYC after packing up my entire DC life.

I never foresaw where that adventure would lead.

I am so very grateful for all of you.

Your messages during this fallow time have been greatly appreciated.

I don’t check Messenger very often, but if you send me a message, I’ll respond when I do check it.

I’m excited for 2025.

’Til next time